As Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
We’ve all been there. Scrolling through LinkedIn or Instagram, reading updates about promotions, book deals, sold-out events, or someone’s “perfect” morning routine. Even when we know it’s a curated highlight reel, comparison creeps in. It can leave us feeling like we’re behind, not enough, or somehow missing the secret.
This is what I call the Comparison Trap and it’s one of the most insidious disruptors of genuine success and inner peace.
In Embodied Success®, we define success not as a checklist of external achievements, but as a felt experience — a deep alignment between your actions and your values, your outer accomplishments and your inner truth.
Comparison cuts us off from that alignment. It hijacks our attention and our nervous system, disconnecting us from the quiet clarity that tells us, I am where I need to be.
When I Chose Purpose Over Promotion
In 2011, I was presented with a decision that would change my life. Tao Porchon-Lynch — my dear friend, yoga mentor, and at the time a vibrant woman in her nineties — asked me and my mother (retired journalist, actress and entrepreneur, Janie Sykes-Kennedy) to help share her extraordinary life story with the world. We said “yes,” not knowing exactly where that path would lead, but feeling the unmistakable pull of purpose.
That “yes” required us to put other work aside — a book I was writing based on my teachings, projects that were building my own brand, planned programs and products that were ready to launch, lucrative consulting assignments, writing that my mother had queued up. We knew what we were sacrificing, but something in us whispered that this was sacred work.
Still, I’d be lying if I said comparison never crept in. During those years, I would scroll through my feed and see colleagues — some who had come up after me — starting new ventures, landing major press, getting book deals, speaking at global events I once headlined. For a moment, I felt FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) and that tug of “I should be further along.”
Then I’d look at Tao. I’d remember why I said yes.
Some people might have used her story to promote themselves, but I made a conscious choice to put her front and center, to amplify her light, not mine. And what light it was. Together, we created 66 one-of-a-kind events across 10 countries and with people like Dr. Deepak Chopra and Sadhguru. The two books we co-wrote won 11 awards and touched thousands of lives. We produced multiple online courses on her teachings that will live on for generations to come.
Whenever comparison arose, my yoga practice brought me back. Returning to my breath, I could feel the truth: I was exactly where I needed to be.
Tao passed in 2020 at 101 years old and I’ve returned fully to my own core work — training, speaking, and coaching. I can see how that season shaped me. The experience deepened my purpose, clarified my values, and elevated everything I now do. It taught me that there is no lost time when you are aligned with meaning.
That experience became a teaching moment I’ve returned to again and again when the urge of comparison rose up: you can’t compare timelines when the destinies are different.
The work with Tao prepared me for my latest passion project: filming my extraordinary mother, who just turned 90, to share her insights and performances with the world.
The Neuroscience of Comparison
Our brains are wired for social comparison. Evolutionarily, it was adaptive. It helped our ancestors assess safety and belonging within the group. However, in today’s hyper-connected, always-on world, those ancient circuits are overstimulated. Every scroll is a micro-dose of social evaluation. Dopamine surges when we see ourselves as “ahead,” but the crash that follows when we feel “behind” can trigger cortisol and self-doubt.
Neuroscientist Dr. Tali Sharot explains that our brain’s reward system is deeply social. It tracks not just what we achieve, but how it ranks compared to others. The problem? Those comparisons rarely reflect real context or internal satisfaction.
From a nervous system perspective, comparison activates the threat response. Your brain doesn’t distinguish between being chased by a tiger or losing status in your digital tribe. It still floods you with stress chemistry. The result? We chase someone else’s version of success and abandon our own.
As Oscar Wilde said: “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
The Embodied Response
In yoga and mindfulness traditions, there’s a practice of returning again and again to your own breath, your own body, your own truth. When we feel ourselves spiraling into comparison, we can use the body as an anchor:
- Pause. Notice where comparison lives in your body such as a tight chest, clenched jaw, contracted belly.
- Breathe. Lengthen your exhale. Let the nervous system know: It’s safe to be me.
- Reconnect. Feel your feet, your breath, your heartbeat. These are coordinates back to presence.
Inhale: I am on my own path.
Exhale: I release the urge to compare.
The Sanskrit term Santosha, one of the niyamas in yoga philosophy, means contentment. It’s not complacency, but a deep peace that coexists with growth. Santosha invites us to evolve without envy, to create from fullness rather than lack.
As the Bhagavad Gita reminds us: “It is better to follow your own path imperfectly than to follow another’s perfectly.”
This is the essence of Embodied Success®.
Reclaiming Your Path
What if we stopped measuring ourselves by others’ timelines or milestones? What if instead we asked:
- What does my success feel like?
- What matters most to me right now?
- What pace supports my well-being and integrity?
These aren’t just philosophical questions; they’re leadership imperatives. When you’re grounded in your own metrics of success, you lead more authentically, collaborate more generously, and build sustainable momentum. You move from performing success to embodying it.
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What part of this piece resonates with you most? I’d love to hear your reflections in the comments below or on LinkedIn.
Practice With Me
Join me for our Embodied Success® Live Series. If you’ve ever found yourself wondering if you’re enough… this is for you. Let’s return together to the truth that your timing, your expression, and your success are uniquely yours. Learn more and register here: https://www.iampowerliving.net/embodied-success-live/
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Curious to further explore Embodied Success® for yourself or your team? Learn more about our coaching, training and speaking programs.
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